The Keeper of the Island

   I hung up my "Savior or Needing to Save" cloak a while ago, but I find myself sometimes struggling to see that I really can rest be at peace while another person I love is finding their own way. Jesus gave me this picture while I was journaling about this familiar feeling that I have come to realize is so unhealthy for me and I wanted to share.

The Island of Peace 

With my boat safely docked in the harbor, I found this new beautiful island a place of safety and rest from the storm that seemed always to be brewing around me. Skipping with great delight, I looked at the beautiful sign "Peace" that was held high over the island I now called home. I loved the name of my island and even more loved the One who gifted me with this beautiful sign. 

My boat had been docked for a while now and I enjoyed spending my days with the Keeper of the Island more than anything or anyone else. He was so gracious and kind and it seemed as if when I was with Him it was easier for me to be a lot more gracious and the kindness seemed to come so much more naturally with Him by my side.

I thought I'd probably stay here forever. 

Knowing the Keeper of the Island like I did, I asked Him if I would ever be silly enough to ever leave the island. He smiled that smile that He did so often and said, "Your safety rests in me, I hope that you will never leave." I couldn't imagine anyone or anything taking me away from this glorious place and assured Him that I imagined I would never leave this spot, either.

Several weeks passed and as I was sitting in my hammock I had affectionately called, "The Truth," I heard a faint cry in the distance. Panic arose inside of me and I just knew that I was needed immediately. Swimming out to the place where I heard the cry, out of breath and having some trouble keeping myself afloat, I finally caught sight of a boat. It was a pretty boat, I could definitely see the signs of trouble, though and got in the boat as quickly as I could. I grabbed and hugged who I now recognized as someone that was in deep pain and tried to figure out how quickly I could get this boat cleaned up and back running smoothly again.

I shook my head, it was actually worse than I thought. I had left everything back on the island, but used what I had on me to try to patch up the holes in the boat and to be sure to take care of this person who was in pain, too. 

With determination mounting, I just knew that I was up for the task at hand and so badly wanted to help this person to get to their own island of rest. I just knew that they would love it there. So, on and on I went telling them all about the island and how beautiful it was there and about The Keeper of the Island. He was amazing. Just sure that this was what this one in pain would want, I busied myself trying to get the boat in working order. We could set sail by morning, and I knew we could make it there before the sun set on the very next day! It was so close I could feel it!

While I slept that night, I dreamt of what beautiful things the island would hold, what treasures would be found and what Peace awaited there for this one I loved so dearly now. Slowly, I drifted off to sleep and got ready for the day of excitement that lay ahead.

Before I caught a glimpse of the beautiful morning sunrise, I noticed something was strange, the hole that I had fixed last night was open again and the one in pain was up, holding her side using a hammer to tear apart the boat that I had spent so much time on fixing the day before. I went into a bit of panic and tried to talk her out of this. No, this would only bring pain to the boat and eventually to her, why would she continue to destroy the very vessel that was keeping her alive? Leaning over the side I looked to see if the front of the boat had any damage. There I caught a glimpse of the name of the boat. Well, this wasn't her boat at all. How did she get in  here? The words were barely visible, but I could make out the faded words of Self Pity. I sat up and looked around. Floating all around me where similar vessels, Self-hatred, Self-loathing, Self-protection, Self-preservation, Guilt and Blame were just a few and they were all calling her name. 

I sat in despair and for the first time wondered why I hadn't brought the Keeper of the Island with me. He would explain everything, He would compel her to the beautiful island that He had waiting for her. Calling out as loudly as I could I yelled for the One who I knew could help. I knew that I couldn't stay on this ship of self pity long, I had tried similar boats and they didn't get me anywhere I wanted to go and they only took me away from that beautiful island I loved so dearly. 

Oh, the beautiful sight of the Keeper of the Island, He appears almost instantly and I absolutely loved what His presence did all around me. Excitedly, I showed my beautiful pain-filled friend the Keeper of the Island. She wasn't impressed. She said that this was home for her now and she would rather stay out here and weather the storms herself. I looked at the Keeper of the Island in shock and dismay. Tears filled my eyes, begging I said, "But have you seen your island? It must be beautiful and you can walk with Him there and you can talk to Him and He'll never lead you astray! All these voices calling out to you will only bring you into more hurt and self-loathing, wouldn't you rather have Peace, Love and Joy?" With her eyes glazed over, it was as if she wasn't even there, she turned her back and was yelling back at the others who had promised to help her to another one of their vessels. 

My heart sank within me. How can I ever convince someone to come back to the place of Peace and Rest? Slowly, taking me by the hand, the Keeper of the Island told me one must want to go of his or her own free will. He said that He would never force anybody to turn away from their "safety" to be with Him. He said long ago in a garden somewhere far from us, He had decided that somebody wanting to spend their days with Him was much more desirable than trying to convince someone of something that was good or evil for them. 

So, back to The Island of Peace and Rest we went. I looked up at my sign and looked across towards my hammock and asked The Keeper of the Island for one little thing. Please remind me to never leave the safety of my island to save a ship that isn't sure it wants to be saved again. I was sure now, that situation being way over my head, the only person that could really, truly bring saving was The Keeper of the Island, Himself, and even then, the person would have to actually want to be saved by Him.

Unwinding and sitting down, I looked at the beautiful sea and the Peace that I loved so much washed all over me again. Maybe next time I would stay here, on my island and ask The Keeper of the Island to go if I heard a cry and from the shore I would cheer for Him and the hurting one as He brought each one to safety in their own beautiful  way which was far better than I could ever have dreamed for them.

  Cleaning Out the Dust

     

     Smiling, she placed the finishing touches on her perfectly pressed white curtain. Slowly, she stepped back. What a beautiful sight! Fresh and clean, the scent filled the room with delight. Ah, how beautiful. The Light from the outdoors played into the room painting all kinds of different beautiful hues around her newly decorated haven. This was sure to be the place that she would find the deepest peace she had ever found before. Proud of her newly finished task, she stepped out to put a few much-needed tools back into their place. She grimaced quickly and with one eye closed placed the tools right inside the door of the musty, dust covered room. Quickly closing the door, she realized that room was for another day, or perhaps another week she thought to herself. When would she ever possibly find the time that she needed to increase the stamina and strength that she would need to sift through that old dust-filled space? Glad that nobody else was there to notice, she wrapped up the finishing touches to her crisp, white curtains and stood back to admire the look. Fresh, modern and clean.  She figured she would just turn her back in this direction because even the thought of the dust covered space made her insides wince. She pushed it out of her mind and moved to the next task at hand. Busying herself, she found many more things to keep her occupied and slowly the thought of that dusty room was pushed away and only the thought of the white, beautiful, stark and perfect new curtains remained in her mind. It was her little secret. Only she would really ever see that room anyway. Or so she thought.

Weeks later with time flying past she ducked into the dusty space again out of necessity. She was driven by her perfection to keep the front of her home manicured well and the only tool she knew that would work was in that dust covered space. She braced herself and again with one eye closed winced through the dirt and found what she needed. Pulling it out and dusting it off gave her some relief. She knew that one little tool would keep her from having to revisit this dusty place for a while. Dusting her clothes off, she placed the tool in the sink and started to scrub away at it to remove the build up that had been cause by the lack of attention it had needed. Scrubbing every way that she knew how, she kept trying to bring it back to its usable state. She figured some of the build up would get in the way of what the tool really was meant to be used for.  Shocked a little at the amount of time this was taking, she decided to revert to looking back into the dusty place for something else. There had to be something there that could be used. Surely this was not the only tool that would do the job. Starting to panic a little knowing that company would be there soon, she held her breath and quickly dove in, to keep this visit as short as possible. Seeing some safety glasses by the door, she grabbed them to save her eyes from the harmful dust and entered this old, dusty place. Hearing the door bell ring, she tore off those glasses, threw down the tool and quickly patted her clothes for any dirty residue. Smiling, she opened the door, in a near panic on the inside. Much to her relief, it was just some young kids wanting to take a political survey. Kindly ushering them away, she shut the door to quickly get back to the task at hand. Armed and ready, glasses on this time, she dove into this dirty, musty space and opened her eyes.

There was something different about it. She couldn't figure out if it was the glasses or maybe the smell or what it was. To her horror, she realized that she had left the door ajar and the dust and the smell had seeped into the rest of her perfectly manicured house. Aghast and frustrated now, she quickly started fanning and opening the windows to let out the dusty fumes. Dust was settling all over her house now, and the smell, it just didn’t seem to be going away. This would never do. She would have to reschedule or maybe push her company back by a few hours. Trying to gather her thoughts, she could feel her heart beating out of her chest. How long would it take for her to recover from this complete and utter mess?? Mad at herself now for causing such chaos and being frustrated by her overall state of aggravation, she figured that there had to be something else that she could do.

Company or not, clean house or not, she was going to have to brave that dusty space and clean it out and make all of that dirty, clutter go away. This was it! She had been sweeping this under the carpet long enough. Changing into her working clothes and pulling her hair back, determined and ready, she stepped into the “war zone” as she decided that it should be called. Rifling through old things, she realized that none of these things were even worth keeping around. She opened up an old journal and saw that it read, “Believe me, the worst is coming.” “Stay in hiding, no one is coming,” and all sorts of things that she no longer believed. Now she realized why she had been avoiding this place so fervently. It was the place she had come before the pain had stopped. Before she had been set free.  She was disgusted by this place. It meant nothing but yucky feelings and broken hearts. She had experienced so much freedom since she had left this place behind her. Slowly, the dawning of the significance of this room meant so much to her. She had never looked back. She had been set free, she had watched everything be set as it should be, her world was set right side up, but she had locked the door on this part of her life and never looked back. And yet, here it was coming back, time and time again to haunt her, to ruin her beautiful new place of rest and to take all of her peace away yet again.

With a blink of an eye she knew what she must do. She made a quick call to the Loving Ones that had come before. The Ones with the loving hands and the sweet, gentle, loving arms. They showed up almost instantly. They helped her look through this gloomy, dusty past and as she looked through each dust, covered place, she handed The Ones the things she was longing to be free of forever. Slowly, they took the things away, if she wouldn’t have known better, she would’ve thought that those things just vanished into thin air. All that toxic waste and after a few hours of sifting through and letting go of the past, The Loving Ones asked if it would be o.k. if they joined hands and agreed that the past was gone and this place was no more. 

The Most Loving One stepped forward. 

He asked if instead of just emptying out this place of the old dusty things, He could replace them with something new. She agreed, wondering what He could do with this old, dusty place. And then as they joined hands the room started to shake, the ground became unsteady and bursts of light started the shine in. The walls instantly crumbled down and glass windows in their stead were clear and beautiful. The Loving Ones gathered around as the Most Loving One stretched out His hand. She came to Him in this new, peace-filled place and He said, “Thank you for letting me sift through the past with you and bring you something completely new.” This new aroma started to fill the air, she recognized it. It was the aroma of the Love that these Loving Ones carried with them. She jumped up and asked if they could please fill her home with this aroma, too. She grabbed the hand of the Most Loving One and together they ran from the top to the bottom of her home, out to the front porch.  She remembered that she should ask Him to help her with the one thing that she had been working on before He came. Surprisingly, that place that need to be fixed was completely done already and the house sort of just sang of beauty and that aroma she loved so much. She ran and swung open the front door. She wanted to be sure this aroma filled her yard and the air all around her place and perhaps it would even float into the place of others!

She stood there and smiled at the Most Loving One. 

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

The visit that I was preparing for was nothing compared to the true beauty that You and Your Loving Ones have shown me today. 

He assured her it was His pleasure.

She took a deep breath to smell the air around her one more time. Yes, indeed. It was fresh, clean and smelled just like the Most Loving One. What a refreshing way to live her days.