Chapter 11

The Truth

I guess I’ve talked about this workshop for a while and maybe more details would help. The workshop is four days long. It is based on the truth that a large amount of Christian people have never really felt loved by Jesus. They have obeyed, trusted, made good or bad decisions, but never really experienced being loved by their Creator. There are a lot of different reasons for this, mostly unique to each person that walks through the doors.

For the first two days, the workshop is focused on past wounds. For instance, if someone has an abusive father, they may only know how to see God as controlling and angry. If someone has been hurt by others, for example, in school by mean and hurtful classmates, they may have put a wall up between themselves and other people and may not trust anybody because of that. If someone has been sexually abused, they may view themselves as worthless and because of that, not feel good enough to those around them. If someone has made mistakes, they may feel that God no longer wants them.

The list is endless, but it is so powerful.

The vast majority of people think, “This is just the way I am.”

One of the processes talks about writing down a list of negative things that go through your mind on a continual basis. They call these negative tapes. I had a hard time actually writing these things down on paper, they seemed to make me feel so vulnerable to actually admit that I felt this way.

Here is an example list:

I am not good enough.

I am worthless.

I am ugly.

Nobody wants to be around me.

I hate myself.

Nobody wants to hear what I have to say.

It’s no use talking, no one is listening.

I am stupid.

I am dumb.

I will never be anything more than this.

I’ve already ruined my life.

Now, these sound very sad, but these feelings are so common, yet rarely admitted. I was shocked at what I wrote out when I took the time to think about it. I had never really thought about it before and all of the sudden these thoughts came pouring out. What I believed about myself was killing me internally. I believed I was worthless, not good enough, an annoyance to people around me and many other things. Those thoughts ran through my head all of the time. It was these very same thoughts that the enemy had put into my mind that were magnified at every turn in my life, marriage and family. I didn’t even know that those beliefs were not true.

I didn’t realize how much these thoughts controlled my life until I started to not believe them anymore. As I made this list, Jesus began to replace these thoughts with truths of His own.

I challenge you to make a list like this and ask yourself.

What do I believe about myself and what does Jesus think about who I am?

You will find out, you are much more than you may believe.

My list:

What I believed

What Jesus said

I am Worthless ------

You are my Chosen Daughter

I am not good enough----

We are ONE and through Me, you are MORE than enough

I am not strong enough-----

Your strength only lies in me

I have been broken beyond repair----

Old things are passed away and everything is new

I have ruined my children already----

Those kids? They’re mine and I adore them, they will lean into me more because of Your love for me.

Life is not perfect for any child, but that’s where I come in.

I am not a good enough Christian

“Good enough Christian,” those words don’t come from me.

Look into my eyes, focus on me, I love you and I cherish your love to me, just move when I tell you to move and rest when I tell you to rest and look to me, I will take care of you.

As you can see, these are life changing words. I cannot believe that even as I am writing this, I am struggling to remember feeling this way. When doubts come my way again, I remember, these words do not come from Jesus. But, from an enemy that would long for me to believe them and leave me covered in those negative feelings.

However, Jesus longs for me to look to Him and ask Him…

”What is Your truth?”

It is always so predictable.

“You are beautiful, You are loved and in me, You are always enough.”

The picture above is of me and my baby, Kate. When she is resting in my arms, I cherish those moments the most. I imagine that's how My Father feels.

More about the workshop next time.